Where do we go?

'he's got eyes of the bluest kind...' 💙

To Andy xx

(one year gone.)

I will always, always miss you.
The world has lost a bit of its beauty without you.
I'm so sorry that you can't be here. That you're not here
living your life, happy and in love, blue eyes bright.
As always, I wish I could have done something, could
have known, could have helped you find your way. But sometimes the way is
fucken dark. I'll admit that. But I won't give in to it.

I'm sorry for everything I did and didn't do.
I did love you, you know. Even though you broke my heart in the end up. (but I know
I'd broken yours first, several times...) I didn't think it was the end you see.
I thought happy ever after was always on the horizon. How foolish of me. Because
all we've got is NOW.

This song, this intro, reminds me of you. So many things do. I will remember you,
blue eyes, big heart, believer in beauty, in life, in happy ever after. "Its not over yet..."
You made me smile so many times, soul mate, friend of my heart.

'Where do we go? where do we go? where do we go now?'

Into the bluest of dreams, happy and true.

I believe that.


xxx

New Year

This night 14 years ago I shared a spectacular New Year's kiss, with a special guy.

It was turning 2004, there were green sparkles in the air and the wee hours of the night alive with unexpected camaraderie and magic. I suppose it all started with me telling him, in an offhand way that I had missed seeing him around. But it was an admission of more than that; he knew it before I did.

I think I changed his night for the better then, as he did mine. So easy it was, to acknowledge how we felt. That night, was the beginning of a romance that was to linger long. One that started the blooming of my heart. There's not a New Year's goes by I don't think of it, that wonderful surprising kiss we shared under the stars. Everything it led to. Love, and knowing there was someone out there who really liked me, and for who I really was. And ditto. It kind of changed everything.

Andy, in every year since, I've missed not seeing you around. My heart always searches you out. Didn't you know it?  (I think you did.)
But this is the year I will miss you forever. It's so hard to believe you're gone. But there's proof: my world, emptier without you. My heart, anchored to this memory I will clutch like stardust. I cannot wish you Happy New Year anymore, but I can wish you peace. Peace and love and happiness and everything you couldn't find here xxX

Siobhán